Hidden Feelings
by Rose Muto
Summary: just a small one shot on Hitsugaya's feelings for Hinamori. may have a slight OOC Hitsugaya.


**Disclaimer: Not my characters. all characters belong to Tite Kubo!!**

He walked down a hallway. It had white walls, floors, and white ceiling tiles, but every once in a while there was a brown door along the wall. The sound of voices fluttered around the hall, even though the owners' were no where to be found.

Coming to a stop in front of one of the many doors, a white crowned boy sighed. Slowly he started to turn the handle, but he soon stopped. Why couldn't he ever bring himself to open the door? He knew exactly what lay in wait on the other side. He would find a room full of medical equipment and a single bed sitting near a window. On the bed sat a young girl. A girl he cared deeply for. A girl he would do almost any thing for, even die for her if it came down to it.

She would turn around at the sound of the door opening, her brown eyes falling upon the young boy as he would enter. Then she would smile and say hello in her usual way by calling him the nickname she had given him years ago when they were both small. He, of course, would correct her for calling him that and then the would talk. About what was unknown to anyone.

Even though he knew all of this he just couldn't open the door. Maybe it was for fear of her not reacting to him how she always had or maybe he feared her ignoring him completely. Even though he thought of these numerous times, he knew exactly why he couldn't bring himself to open it. He feared her asking him to save that **man**. The **man** she had always looked up to. The **man** that betrayed them all.

He sighed again and turned away from the door. he knew today wasn't the day, maybe tomorrow. Yes maybe tomorrow he would finally face what he tried so hard to run away from. The question he didn't know the answer too. He walked down the hall again, this time leaving. Not just leaving the hallway, but the door and the girl behind it. Yes maybe tomorrow.

--

Why?! Why hadn't he tried to stop him?! He knew he should of, but he couldn't move. He couldn't move for fear of the man hurting her. He didn't want her hurt, but because he didn't do anything she ended up getting her any way. She was hurt and he did nothing to stop it. Nothing to stop that man from running his blade through her. The cold steal sinking into her warm flesh, her blood flowing out and hitting the floor under her.

"Hinamori!" He called her name, but she didn't respond. He tried over and over, but nothing happened. Grabbing her, he started to shake her all the while calling her name.

No she can't be! It wasn't true! She was just playing around, that's all! Any minute now she would jump up and yell surprise. He would jump, then scolder for doing that.

"Stop fooling around! Come on Hinamori, it's not funny!" He yelled now trying to hold back tears that felt as though they were going to spill over any minute.

He knew it wasn't a joke, but something made him want to believe it was. That part of him gave him hope. Hope that she wasn't lying in his arms unmoving, unchanging, bleeding, **dying**. Even though he knew she was he didn't want to believe it. he wanted that one little hope to come true. He wanted her warm smile to fill him with warmth he couldn't explain instead of her blood spilling out all over him.

Suddenly something hit his hand. Something wet, slightly warm yet cold at the same time, like rain. He knew what it was and knew he couldn't hold it back any longer. Tears now fell freely down his face.

He didn't want to cry, but he couldn't help it. Even though he acted like a cold hearted jerk, he really was a small child at heart. A small child afraid of being alone with no one to comfort him. No one to make him smile, one on to make him unafraid. No one at all.

A hand came out and touched his shaking shoulder. He ignored it. He wouldn't dare look up at the owner. He just sat there, crying softly to himself.

Soon after the hand came, more hands appeared. They grabbed the young girl out of his grasp and took her away.

Even though she was gone, he stayed sitting. he couldn't seem to do any thing at all except breathe and cry. He felt empty and alone. He felt like a young child who just lost their parents in a horrible accident that happened right in front of them.

The hand had come off his shoulder now and was trying to get him to stand. They pulled on his arms, but he wouldn't stand.

Then came a voice.

"Histugaya-taichou, you need to stand up."

He finally aloud the hands to pull him to his feet. Even though he stood he continued to look at the ground, the salty-wet tears still streaming down his face. After a while he turned and started to walk away. He didn't know where his feet were taking him, but at the moment it didn't matter. He just wanted to be alone.

Finally his feet came to a halt. Looking up he saw himself standing at his old home. The place he and Hinamori grew up at before becoming shinigami.

The sun was setting now as he stood there. Memories flooding back to him of all the times they spent watching the sun set. At the memories, he fell to his knees pulling his hand up to his face as more tears fell.

Looking up at the sky, he started to yell. Yelling as loud as he could and as long as he could, all the while tears running down his face.

--

Again white walls, white ceiling, white floor, and splotches of brown, the all too familiar scene that seemed to play over and over, never ending. Stopping in front of one of the many brown doors, but this time he knew he had to keep going. This time he had to see her. He had to talk to her and **apologize**. Apologize for everything he did do and didn't do.

He pulled his hand up, gripping the handle of the door. Sighing he started to turn the handle, but he stopped.

What if she didn't forgive him? What if she hated him? What if…

No! Don't think like that. You have to do this, he told himself, but the more he told himself that the more doubt filled his mind.

Again he sighed.

'_Pull yourself together. You'll have to face her sooner or later, so do it now before anything else can happen.'_

He stood there a while longer contemplating what he should do, all the while slightly shaking.

Finally his hand started to turn the handle. This time was going to be different. This time he would do it. He would face his fears head on. He had to do it or else he would feel horrible about it later.

There was a soft click as the handle came to a halt.

Slowly he opened the door. Even though it was only a few seconds it felt like a hundred years had past.

In the now open door he could see the scene which had for so long played in his mind. Everything was the same, all expect the girl. Instead of sitting staring out the window, she lay on the bed, eyes closed, like she was sleeping.

He walked closer to her. He stood next to her, but the more he looked at her the more he wished he hadn't come. The more he wished he had protected her and been there for her when she needed it most. He was never there for her and he had let so much happen to her.

Guilt consumed him as he stood there. He knew it was his fault she was hurt.

As these thoughts filled his mind he fell to his knees. He laid his head down on the bed, face in the white sheets. Tears flowed down his face onto the sheets and his body shook uncontrollably.

He stayed in that position till a small weak hand gripped one of his shaking shoulders. He slowly lifted his head at the touch. His eyes grew wide as a small voice reached his ears.

"Shiro-chan?"

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